OUR STAFF
ROBERT BALLKISS
Principal
Unique and goal-driven is just the few words we use to describe Robert Ballkiss. Ballkiss joined the Lakeside team in 2016 when they first opened. Since then, many changes has happened and Robert was there to weather the storm.
SUSAN MARIE DALTON
PTA President
Since joining Lakeside Public Academy, Susan Marie Dalton has consistently brought passion and dedication every single day. Mrs Dalton is the leading example of what a PTA president is. Caring kind and quirky her skill has put Lakeside over many Ontario PTA boards.
LINDA BROWN
Teacher
Loved by students and staff alike, Linda Brown brings knowledge, enthusiasm and joy to Lakeside Public Academy. As our fifth grade teacher, she have been an invaluable member of the team.
OUR STAFF
KAREN WANKERSMITH
Lunch lady
Karen Wankersmith passionate drive for foods like, bats, cats, dogs and parasites normally one wouldn't touch is what sets her apart from any lunch lady in the world. Her special dishes are both loved and embraced by students and teachers alike.
KAREN SMITH
Lunch Lady
Karen Smith became well known in the Lakeside family after BBQing a dog at Pet Smart. Since then, she has committed to BBQing dogs full time and making bat soup here at Lakeside, her unique cooking has landed her a spot on the popular Food Network show, Chopped. She took home first place naturally and pledged the 10k prize to an anti vax organization.
PATRICK BROWN
Councellor
Patrick Brown degree in Yale helped land him a job at Lakeside. His dedication to making sure all our students feel lonely, sad and depressed has paid off since Lakeside has the highest self-inflicted student death rates in the country.
OUR STAFF
KAREN MANAGER
Senior Teacher
Humor is what Karen Manager employs onto her students in class. She loves to make fun of her kids leading them to question their own existence. Since joining Lakeside in 2016 at least 69 of her students have committed suicide.
RONALD CHATTE
PE and Football Director
Ex NFL coach Ronald Chatte loves to inspect the girls pussies in PE class by day, but by night he is a world class football coach leading Lakeside in 2018 to a 11-2 record winning state. "Hard work is defined by the size of your pussy," says the 54 year old borderline pedo.
MKAHNFJ QYIESF
Russian Sex Worker
Mkahnfi Qyiesf requests not to use her real name since her visa had issues. She is a hard working Russian Sex Worker, she has made most of the student population jerk off in class.
OUR STAFF
MARGRET MILLER
Crossing Guard
Caring and loving, Margret Miller's hatred of kids had led her to this job at Lakeside. Her wiliness to murder countless children during her crossing guard career is just a highlight of her dedication. To date she has let 50 plus students get hit by cars.
ADOLF HITLER JR.
Art Director and Creative Writing Teacher
"Close your eyes and imagine a word without words. How can you express how you feel? Start mass killing minorities? Grunt in confused ways? We have the power of writing, speaking, and drawing to help us explore our imaginative selves." - Adolf Hitler Jr.
GRETTA DUNBERGUSS
Choir Teacher
Child rapist turned choir teacher, Gretta Dunberguss, is proving to us that second chances are still available. Actually, just last week, she was caught touching a girl in the bathroom. Oh well. We will give her another chance!
OUR STAFF
BILL WANKERSMITH
Security
Bill Wankersmith the loving husband, cousin, and mentor to our dear Karen Wankersmith. He is the definition of hardworking. During a school shooting he bravely shot a killed students for the shooter.
MARTHA MCCOCKSTUFFER
School Nurse
Founder of Happy Abortion Clinic and part time KKK member.
"Happy accidents are the worst things that can happen to you."
SUM TING WONG
Chef
他妈的你子吃我的脚趾你浮渣享受我的蝙蝠汤你阴茎看蟾蜍凳子
OUR STAFF
AMETHYST RHODES
Sex Worker
Born in the vibrant city of Sweeden, Amethyst realized at a young age that you can't spell her name without meth. Now she is a full time user and relapses often.
SATINE POPOV
Sex Worker
Satine Popov doesn't speak much English, but why bother when you can communicate with a body like hers.
AALLOTAR HÄMÄLÄINEN
Sex Worker
Ex pornstar who acted in over 600 films in the adult industry. Aallotar provides the Lakeside community with lots of wet fantasies.
"People who look at me, think I am a sex woman. I am a family woman. I have many husbands and children."
OUR STAFF
NANCY WARREN
Councillor
Nancy Warren's dive to embarrass and publicly humiliate her students is what makes her amazing. She is second to Patrick Brown, in leading the school's high suicide rates.
NANCY FISHER
School Donor
Professional donor, Nancy Fisher, has helped Lakeside over the past decade. Nancy has given the school a library, a gym, and a football field. Her donations help Lakeside students get into Ivy League schools even though they are lacking the credentials.
CHARLIE MCMANN
Teaching Coordinator
Charlie says FUCK OFF ARABELLA
KAREN DUFFY
Janitor
Last September, an unexpected FBI raid took place and what was found within Karen's closet was amazing. Seven bodies of vaccinated students she bravely killed with her bare hands
ASH MARCUS
Assistant Teacher
Ash is such a cunt
she looking like a runt
she play with her pussy
pockets filled with cushy
lighting it up in class
blazing on her ass
KATELYN
Lunch lady
Wanted by ICE agents Katelyn poisoned several meals in the student kitchen to serve to the agents. one bite of her world famous Apple Tart de Cum and the agents were made into stew for the next day's meals